with a little help from Battousai
by Lihanou
Summary: Battousai is bored. So he starts bugging Kenshin with his sick little hentai mind. Uhoh... KenshinKaoru paring.


Hello every bubbles!

I inspired this story on "Kiss her" and "Do it with Daniel", both written by Vicki595. For any lines that look like hers, I totally give the credit to her.

Disclaimer; I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or the lines that come from Vicki595  
Pairings; Kenshin/Kaoru  
Warnings; Battousai has a hentai mind. Be warned.

Credits; Vicki595

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with a little help from Battousai

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Kenshin was busy in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes.

Shrub shrub shrub…

_This is boring._

**It has to be done, that is.**

_Let's go do something fun._

**First the dishes.**

_And then we go do something fun?_

**Yes.**

_Woohoo!_

**Then this one will do the laundry.**

… _you call that fun!_

Kenshin sighed.

**We've had this conversation before, Battousai. Yes, I find myself happy in doing these things, that I do.**

_Hey! I have an idea!_

**Oh boy…**

_Shut it, Rurouni-kid. Okay, here's the plan. You let those clothes and these dishes stay right where they are, and start looking for Kaoru. Who is probably in the training hall right now, veeeery alone…_

Kenshin turned red.

**W..w..what are you suggesting?**

_Hehe, you're even stuttering in your head. How about a hint? Kenshin and Kaoru, sitting in a tree…_

**If that's all.**

…_K-I-S-S-I-N-G…_

**ORO?**

_Want me to go on?_

**No! I mean, I think I'm getting it, that is. But there is no way that Kaoru-dono wants to kiss me.**

_Oh, so you've got bigger plans for her? Maybe you would like to hear my, ahem, adult version of the song then…_

**ORO!**

_I just take that as a yes._

**No! Just stop it! This one just wants to wash the dishes.**

_How 'bout you gave Kaoru a wash?_

If possible, Kenshin turned even redder. On that moment Kaoru came in.

"Kenshin? Would you please prepare a bath for me?" (AN; right on cue!) She was all sweaty from her training. Her hair was hanging loose around her shoulders, while her clothes were sticking against her body from the intense workout, outlining her curves.

"Of course, Kaoru-dono."

"Thanks, Kenshin!" With that, she walked away.

_Hehe._

**What?**

_Oh, nothing. I just happen to hear you thinking something about a certain someone. And I must say, I truly underestimated you._

**Oro? I did not think about Kaoru-dono, that I did!**

_Please, I don't even know why you tried to deny that. I'm in your head, remember?_

Kenshin let out another sigh, and set the plates back where they belonged.

_Oooh, are we going to see her now?_

**No, this one is going to prepare Kaoru-dono a bath.**

_Great! Maybe she'll feel lonely…_

**If so, I could talk to her from behind the door.**

_Spoilsport._

**Get used to it.**

_Oh my, are we getting irritated?_

**Hmm, I wonder why…**

_You know, there is a way to make me shut up._

**Unfortunately, this one knows, and he's not going to do it.**

_Damn._

Kenshin grabbed a bucket, and started filling the bath.

_We could hide behind the screen to have a better view._

**No.**

_Isn't there any way to make you see if your fantasies are true?_

**Oro?**

_Don't tell me you don't remember that nice dream you had last week._

Kenshin's head turned as red, eh, magenta as his gi.

_Hehe, so you do remember?_

**Eh, no?**

_Oh, yes you do…_

**No, I do not.**

_Yes, you do._

**I do not.**

_Do too!_

**Not!**

_Too!_

**Not!**

_Not!_

**Too!**

_Ha! Gotcha!_

**Aargh! Shut up!**

_And there, ladies an gentlemen, we see the side of the Rurouni that remains hidden behind the gentle face._

**I believe it is you.**

_We are the same person, housemaid._

**Housemaid?**

_Don't go changing the subject on me!_

"Kenshin? Are you okay?" He turned around, only to face Kaoru.

**Great, now she thinks I'm nuts!**

_Tell us something new._

"No Kaoru-dono, this one is having a small headache. But your bath isn't finished yet. I have to heat up, that is."

_If we're lucky, it will soon get hot in here anyway._

Kenshin tried to ignore the Battousai's words, hoping that his head wasn't all too red by now.

"Please wait here, the water will be ready soon."

He quickly passed her, and went outside to the stove beneath the bathtub.

_That went well._

**What do you mean?**

_That you totally screwed up! Man, don't you have any sense of sarcasm?_

**Eh, is that a trick question?**

_Never mind._

Kenshin heated up the fire, and soon, steam was coming through the small opening in the wall.

"It's fine Kenshin, thank you!" The sound of clothing dropping on the floor was heard.

In his head, Battousai was snickering.

_I couldn't agree more._

**What? Weren't those your thoughts?**

_Nope. You made them up all by yourself. (sniff) I'm so proud!_

**Bad Kenshin! Stop thinking up hentai thoughts!**

_Hey! What about me? You'll take away all my fun!_

"Kaoru-dono, I will return to the chores, that I will."

"Okay!"

_Sigh. Back to the laundry?_

**Yes. Are you finally giving up?**

_No. But for now, I can't think of anything._

Kenshin happily thanked Kami, while Battousai was sulking. After the laundry was washed and hanged to dry, Kenshin returned to the kitchen to start cooking.

_What's for dinner?_

**A safe subject? My my…**

_Don't push it, Rurouni! Besides, who said this is a safe subject?_

**Oh Kami….**

_How about you cook a romantic dinner? That little brat isn't coming back for a few days, and rooster-head is probably lying drunk behind a gamble house. There will be no one to interrupt you nice dinner…_

**Hey, that sounds good..**

…_and anything that could happen next._

**I knew it. Listen, Kaoru-dono doesn't like me that way!**

_And you do?_

**Well, I…. that's off the subject! The point is that nothing will happen since she doesn't have any romantic interest in me.**

_That can change, you know._

**Maybe.**

_Maybe, maybe; stop wishing, start taking action! _

**What do you want me to do then? Wait, don't answer that!**

_Too late. First, you go to her right now and start kissing her senseless._

**And that's only the first step? Great…**

_Then, you take her to her bedroom. Or yours. Or you just drop on the floor you're standing on…_

**That's enough, thank you!**

_I see you get my point._

"Hmm, smells good in here."

_I'm betting she smells good too. Let's find out!_

**Sigh.**

_Is that a no?_

"Thank you, Kaoru-dono. We will eat fish tonight, so I'm preparing a marinade with the herbs I bought this morning."

Kaoru smiled. "Sounds great. I'll be at my room if you need me."

_Oh, we are definitely going to need you in our plan._

**Our plan?**

_Don't tell me you're backing up!_

**I never agreed to it!**

_That doesn't matter. Now, for dinner. What's else besides fish?_

**Soup, salad stew and tea.**

_That's it?_

**What else then?**

_How about whipped cream…_

**I hope you're planning to eat it.**

_Hehe, that wouldn't be fun._

**No. Besides, I don't have any. If you still want to make this dinner a success, stop distracting me!**

Luckily, Battousai finally shut up, so Kenshin could go on with his cooking. When the food was happily cooking away, he set the table.

"Okay, am I missing something?" Kenshin thought out loud.

_Yes._

**What then?**

_Are you sure you wanna know?_

**Actually…no.**

_Good. Then you already know what I was going to say._

**Sigh.**

_Food?_

**Check.**

_Candles?_

**Check.**

_Romantic mood?_

**Check.**

_Irresistible outfit?_

…

_Good thing you have me, right?_

**I'm not so sure about that.**

_Be nice to me, will ya? Now go and change before the food gets cold!_

Kenshin ran back to his room, finding nothing but magenta gi's and white hakama's. (AN; let's hope that isn't true)

_You're hopeless._

**Then I'll just have to wear this. By the way, she would get suspicious.**

_And you think the candles aren't giving away a big hint?_

**It's getting dark.**

_So dark you had to light 50 to see your chopsticks?_

**This was all your idea, so stop whining.**

"Kaoru-dono? Dinner's ready!" He knocked on her closed door. "I'm coming!" she yelled.

_Quick, to the dining room!_

**We don't have one!**

_Well, living room sounds boring._

Kenshin walked back to the living, and a few seconds later, Kaoru entered.

She put a hand to her mouth by the view of the romanticized living room. "Oh my, this looks amazing Kenshin!" She stared around, almost counting the candles.

"But why?"

_Ah, she wants to know the rest of the plan…_

**That is not going to happen, that is.**

"Ehm, this one thought it would be nice to do something special, now that we were alone.."

_Good, you gave her a hint so she can think of the possibilities!_

**Shut up!**

Kaoru blushed. "That's very sweet of you, Kenshin."

Kenshin blushes as well. "This one was hoping that you would appreciate it. Thank you."

Suddenly, Kaoru stepped up to Kenshin.

"Oro?"

"No Kenshin, thank you." With that, she kissed him softly on his lips.

**OROOOOO?**

_Yesss! Now stop this oro-stuff and start kissing her back, you baka!_

**Oh, right! **(AN; I hope he's a better romanticists than I'm writing right now)

_That's more like it! Ladies and gentlemen, Kenshin has left the building!_

…

_You can stop and take a breath now, Rurouni._

_Ehm, housemaid?_

_Helloooooo?_

_

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_

Yes, the ending sucks. At the moment, I'm trying to think up a better one. If anyone knows one, please; do tell!

Review!

-xxx- Lihanou


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